Test

New Beginnings...

As the days pass and the weeks turn into months, I have found it harder and harder to come here and write. I still take pictures every day. Of our home, our garden, of our daughter, of our life as we're living it. Bits and pieces of our day. The little things from which I draw so much inspiration and happiness. I tell myself that I'll eventually take the time to tell my story and share those little moments here. Pictures with words. A beautiful account. But then days pass. Weeks pass. And a month has gone by and still, I can't seem to find the right words to put down.

When I was in grad school, I was one of the only people in my cohort who hadn't yet joined Facebook. I may have been the only person. During a discussion on social media's role in the educational system, my professor asked me why I hadn't joined the millions of other users, pointing out that it was a great way to stay open and connected and to share what was going on in our lives. I told him plainly that it just wasn' t for me. A year later, just before leaving Virginia for Florida, I joined. My intention was to keep in touch with friends. I thought it might be a good way to stay connected after all. As it turns out. I never get on and if I want to catch up with the people who are important to me, I call them or write. Around the same time, I also started this blog. This seemed like a form of social media that I could enjoy. A creative outlet and a home for my pictures. And I did enjoy it. I used to love writing here. When I found inspiration from my surroundings, from my day to day and from other bloggers, I loved to come here to record my own thoughts- what was on my heart and mind.

I read this quote the other day.

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension and not in another. The past, present and future mingle to pull us backward, forward or fix us in the present. We are all made up of layers. Cells, constellation." 

~ Anais Nin

We are always growing and changing. Moving forward in one arena while maybe standing still in another. And that is okay. Sharing is all a part of the journey, I'm just not sure I need to share it all here.

These days I'm having a difficult time seeing the value in all of that. It isn't that I no longer find inspiration from the world around me. It isn't that I no longer stand in awe in the presence of beautiful light or become softened when my daughter holds my hand. I still find beauty in a flower and am moved by other's stories in person and on-line, I'm just not sure that this- the internet is the place that I should archive those thoughts and ideas. I'm not sure this is where I should come when I feel inspired.

I was once reminded by a friend that it is often easier and more motivating to write for an audience. As a former teacher, I do believe it's true and have driven that point home to my students. "Address your audience." Keep your audience in mind as you prepare your piece." In the world of social media, our audience is expanded.. and so is the stage. In a land of blogs, twitter and Pinterest, there are so many ideas, photos and voices suggesting what our lives should look like- how we should mother, how to cook a great meal, how to keep a lovely home, how to craft, how to dress and how "to be more present"... For a person like me, it can all become very overwhelming. It can be a breeding ground for insecurity and self-doubt. A place where my own voice is muffled to the point where it has become difficult to tell which voice is mine amongst the influence of others. So many turn to these forms of social media for answers, for inspiration, for a guidebook on how to be. I've been guilty of it so many times. Scrolling through pages and pages of pretty pictures and beautiful words. Looking for answers in someone else's story.

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on you shoulder..."

~Henry David Thoreau

Today, I've decided to quiet my mind a little. To allow myself to appreciate the quiet and to enjoy the beauty that is to be seen. To enjoy the little things that all add up to be something much, much bigger. And to avoid the pressure I place on myself to share it with anyone in any way other than how I want to share it.

Whispers in my daughter's ear. Laughter as I watch her explore her world. A phone call to a friend. A letter in the mail. A kiss for my husband as we sit outside and talk about our day. And quiet moments alone as I take it all in, finding beauty in the ordinary, the every day moments of this precious life.

Always one to feel things strongly. Always one to think too deeply about matters. Maybe I'm taking this on-line world too seriously. Still, I think that my time here is done. Goodbyes have never been easy for me. There is always a feeling of panic in the moments before a goodbye. But there is also a great relief that comes when we know we've done what's best for ourselves. Every day we learn and grow. We move forward and backward. For me, it won't take place here any longer. Goodbye. Thank you.

Scenes from Easter

We spent our Easter digging through Easter baskets and searching the yard for colorful eggs. We went to the beach, sat in the sun and played in the sand. Back at home, Emerson participated in her very first Easter Egg Rolling Contest and Spoon Races. She won :)

Happy Easter! I hope yours was lovely.

Life, Lately... Has Been Busy!

With the new year came a string of visitors that we have happily and excitedly welcomed into our home. With them came that sweet vibe and atmosphere that happens when friends and family fill your home. Laughter, stories, memories shared and memories made.

The first to visit came in late January. My very best friend, Angela. We've known each other now for nearly 15 years. College roommates, randomly paired up. We came from different states, different backgrounds, and different approaches to life. Angela, a sweet southern girl from South Carolina and me a bit of a firecracker from Miami. But somehow, despite these differences we clicked. Within that first night of knowing each other, sitting on Ange's dorm room bed and sharing our stories. (Well, mostly I shared. I talked. A lot.  Maybe too much. Angela was a bit more reserved than me.) But we did click and now, 15 years later, thousands of miles between us, with husbands and children and our own separate lives, we  are closer than ever. She's a part of my story. Weaved so intricately in and out of so many parts of my life that I'm certain it could never come undone.

This trip was a special one. A bit of an early birthday present for us both. Angela flew out, then together we drove to Temecula. This is southern California's wine country. Jared stayed at home with Emerson and Angela's husband held down the fort as well. And for two and a half days and two nights Angela and I talked. I mean we talked. Without having to hang up to tend to our children. Without having to stop to answer one of their questions or to get another snack from the fridge. Without pause, without interruption, we talked. On and on about whatever was on our minds. And we never ran out of things to say. In the morning, we lingered over hot coffee (More than one cup!). During the day, we drove through beautiful vineyards, stopping to sip their wines and enjoy their grounds. And at night, we went out for dinner, taking our time and enjoying every bite. It was a special trip and one where we found out that as adults and mothers, we have much more in common than we did as 19 year old kids so many years ago.

We tried to get a few good pictures of ourselves on our girl's weekend...

but as it is, neither of us knows how to be "normal" in front of the camera...

Angela: "I'm a little uncomfortable with this. Hmm... Let me think..."

Me: "I'm a little uncomfortable with this. Hmm... Let me pose..."

Finally a good one. Better together :)

About two weeks after Ange flew home, my Dad came to visit. This was a big move for my dad. He and my mom have been traveling the country in a camper or a motorhome for about 26 years now, preferring this way of travel over flying. (I can't blame them.) And although my mom has flown to the different places we've lived several times, my Dad held out for longer visits in the RV. But staying away from his grandbaby was too much for him to handle so he booked a flight and hopped on an airplane to LAX. He stayed for about a week and Emerson couldn't have been happier. She loves her Pop Pop. Much of his visit was spent with Emerson on his lap or with an eager toddler showing him all of her new tricks. We went to the beach, chasing waves and playing in the sand. For weeks after he left to go home, and even now, Emerson repeats his name when something jogs her memory. It was another special visit and one I know left Emerson feeling even more loved. 

Three days after my Dad flew home, one of my closest and dearest friends came with her family all the way from Key West. Abby, Derek, and Emerson's very first friend, Alise came to stay for a week and oh, the love and fun that filled that space of time! Abby is very special to me. We shared our first year as mothers together, living 17 miles from the comforts of town, we served as each other's social life, support system, and confidants. Our girls grew side by side and so did we. Within that year, she became one of the most important people in my little world and I am so very thankful to have had this week together. 

We packed a lot into 6 days. First up, a hike in Palos Verdes.

Then a visit to the beach. This was the first time any of them had been to the Pacific Coast, so it was a very special moment. I think Alise liked it :)

We also headed to the famous Santa Monica Pier to ride the carousal and brave the Ferris Wheel. Abby and I were only a little terrified of the height, but luckily it was an overcast day so we weren't able to see just how high up we were :)

I'm not sure why, but suddenly, I am unable to load pictures to this post! I've tried all of the troubleshooting tips Google has to offer and none are working. UGH! This poor post and these sweet pictures have been sitting in my draft file for two weeks now and I can't stand it anymore! So, in an attempt to maintain sanity,  I'm posting it unfinished. Just like in life, sometimes we have to accept that things don't always go as planned and move on. Sometimes things are left unfinished and that is okay. 

The rest of the Luman's visit was wonderful. A trip to the San Diego Zoo and a family photo shoot at the botanic gardens for Abby and her sweet family. (I was so nervous!) My mom's visit was great, of course. Emerson is still talking about the things they did together. 

I'm not happy about this whole pictures-not-posting situation, so distract myself I'm off to look up camping cabins in the San Bernardino Mountains. I have a certain almost two year old's birthday to plan. In the meantime, enjoy the memory montage of my sweet girl and her very first friend, Alise in their first year of life together. Luckily, these pictures loaded before all the troubles. 

May 2013

April 2013

March 2013

January 2013

September 2012 (I think)

July 2012 and their very first meeting...