Today, my mom took Emerson and I for a little nature walk in the Cove. The air was saturated with pine and damp earth and definitely did my soul good. Our Little Bird loved it. She's such a nature baby. I know she's too young to remember this time in her life, but I have to believe that the sun on her face and the warm summer air on her skin will make its way into her soul the way it has mine. 

Hands

My heart is filled with hope as I think about all that our little bird will be able to do with her own two hands. 

A Change of Plans

Jared and I were supposed to fly to a wedding in Charlottesville, VA this past Thursday, but mother-nature had other plans. Instead, Jared had to get underway and despite my fear of flying for the first time with Emerson alone she and I caught a last minute flight  to Nashville to escape Issac's wind and rain. 

Our little girl did absolutely amazing! There were a few awkward moments (nursing next to a college kid on the Miami flight; changing two stinky diapers on the Nashville flight) but all in all,  flying with her was a breeze. She's going to be quite the traveler, I can tell. 

And now that I'm here, I feel like I can breathe again. I was very nervous about the storm and the last minute decision to fly to my parents' but now that I'm here, the tension in my muscles has already loosened its grip.While I'm here, I have plans to just go along. Listen to the wind in the trees. Sit on a blanket in the shade with my daughter. I want to take Emerson on walks in the morning and run the hilly road that leads to my parent's house in the evenings. I want to sit on the front porch swing just quietly rocking my sweet baby girl. Read, stretch, shop (it's been too long),  paint my toe nails. I want to take lots of pictures and write from a place that is free and real.

Yesterday, my mom and I filled Emerson's bathtub with warm water and placed it on the grass under the shade of trees that surround their house. Little Bird loved every second of it. She splashed and smiled. And I smiled. This little girl is pure joy and every day my Mama self grows more and more in love and admiration for this tiny human that has completely changed our world. While I'm here, I will miss Jared very much. I'll miss seeing him with Emerson. But I'm so happy to be here with my mom and dad, and to be able to spend these sweet southern days with her.

Yea, Juliette!

I am beyond thrilled to announce that my very dear friend and author, Juliette Sobanet, has recently signed a four-book deal with Amazon's Montlake Romance!

Words cannot express how excited I am for Juliette. She and I have spent hours talking about her writing, dreaming of book deals while walking around Georgetown or sitting in coffee shops, sipping tea and eating pan au chocolat (thank you, Juliette for introducing me to that sweet treat!) For this dream of hers to become a reality, well it makes me smile all the way down in my toes! 

If you'd like to get to know Juliette, or purchase one of her delicious novels hop on over to her blog, Chocolate for Writers. She is an amazing writer and an even better gal! 

The First Day

Today would have been my 9th first day of school as an elementary school teacher. Right about now, I would be running around my classroom making sure everything was just so. Pencils, markers and crayons neatly placed at each table. Name tags carefully printed with stundents' names. A message written on the white board, welcoming the children to a new year. I would have a dozen get-to-know-you activities planned out. I would hop over to my neighboring collegues classrooms to wish them good luck and then return to my own to anxiously await my new group of students to walk through the door. 

But not this year. This year instead of waking up to the sound of an alarm clock, I was awakened by the most precious little coo. And instead of zipping around my classroom, I picked up my little one and walked her around the house and to her room where I watched in amazement as she oohed and aahed at the new mobile her Mimi brought down for her. I won't be spending time getting to know my students. Instead, I'll soak up each moment I spend with you memorizing the exact curve of your nose, admiring the tiny dimples on your hands. Getting lost in your big eyes and melting at the sight of your smile.

This year, and for many more to come, I won't have the first day of school jitters. They'll be replaced with all of your firsts and although I loved being a teacher and took pride in what I did, nothing will ever compare to how much I love being your mama and the pride I take in raising you. This job-being your mama is the thing I was made to do. It is the biggest joy and the biggest blessing. Thank you. I love you. A thousand times, I love you.

35 Weeks/3 Months

My, how time flies! 

Happy Birthday

Two days ago, my sweet girl turned 3 months old. In those three months, my love for her has grown exponentially. It's a love that could never be measured in days, months or years. It's a love that was there before I even knew her. A love that has burned brightly in my heart forever, really. A fierce love, as my mom once described the love of a mother for her child, but a soft and gentle love too. And for this love, I am eternally grateful.

And today, my other love, the love of my life, turns 32. Happy birthday Baby. A different kind of love burns in my heart for him. One of fire and and ice, of which nothing could change. I love you more than all the stars in the sky.

A Prayer Request

Tonight, I have no words. Just a request that you keep a dear friend of mine and her family in your prayers. Many of you already know of my sweet friend Tammy's daughter, Ashley and her fight against leukemia. Unfortunately, after being in remission for quite a while, cancer cells have been found in her blood again. I do believe in the power of prayer and ask that you please pray for this family.

You can learn more bout Ashley's story here. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/ashleyriemer

Chrysanthemum

As a former elementary school teacher of 8 years, I have developed quite a sizable library of picture books. When we found out about Baby E, I began bringing these books home and dreaming of the early years of her life when I could read these stories to her. Stories that I have all but memorized. Some that I know by heart. And I've loved doing just that. Emerson is at a stage now, where she actually looks at the pages of the book as I read, and although I know she doesn't understand the words, she can hear the inflections in my voice and sense the rhythm of the words I am reading. Sometimes Jared reads too. It's funny for me to listen to him reading to her. These stories aren't so familiar to him and he isn't as nuanced at reading them as Emerson's teacher Mama is. That doesn't mean he doesn't try. My man puts his all into reading to his little girl, and reads with as much enthusiasm and animation as he knows how. The other evening, he was reading one of my very favorite picture books, Chrysanthemum. Now, my husband self admittedly, albeit jokingly gets tongue-tied from time to time and as the title of this book might suggest, he had a little trouble. 


Here's how it went down:


Jared- 
"The next morning, Chrysanthium wore her most comfortable jumper. 
She walked to school as slowly as she could. 
She dragged her feet in the dirt. 
Chrysanthium,"


Me-
"No Babe, it's ChysantheMUM!"


Jared-
"Chrysanthium. Wait. What?"


Me-
"ChysantheMUM!"


Jared-
"Chrysnathi. This name sucks. Rose. 
"The next morning, Rose wore her most comfortable jumper. 
She walked to school as slowly as she could.
She dragged her feet in the dirt.
Rose, Rose, Rose, she wrote."


Bah Ha Ha! Too funny!

A Ride Around the Sound

Yesterday evening, we took our little girl on her very first boat ride. I'm happy to report that she loved it! 

She is the daughter of a sailor, after all ;)

Five Years

Five years ago, I married the love of my life. 

In his eyes, I find strength.

In his arms-comfort. 

His love is my anchor. 

There are many love stories out there. But ours is my very favorite.

(Especially now that we have this sweet face to wake up to each morning!)

Goodnight Friday

Well, today wasn't quite what we expected. Little Bird ended up having a bit of a tough day. She seems to be having some reflux troubles. Luckily though, there were many periods where she felt relief, so Jared and I took these moments to get out and go. 

Our trip to the lumber yard turned out to be unsuccessful. They didn't have what Jared needed, so we headed back down the Keys and stopped in at the Galley Grill on Summerland Key for lunch. It's an old diner with that local, laid-back Keys atmosphere that Jared and I love. A no frills, no fuss kind of a place. And the food was yummy!

After lunch, we headed home. Emerson wasn't feeling too well so lot's of snuggling was in order.

 

After a few hours of comforting and cuddling it was off to Home Depot. While Jared got the wood he needed, Emerson and I wandered around the the paint department and the garden center. I loved watching Emerson taking it all in. She was so attentive and alert.

When we got home, Jared made dinner and although our sweet girl had some more tummy troubles, she was able to fall into a peaceful sleep. Now here we are, just the two of us. Enjoying some quiet time on the couch. Goodnight Friday. You were good to us.

Happy Friday

We're beginning our weekend a little early. Jared is on leave so we enjoyed a slow start to our morning, and some much needed family time. 

Now we're heading out the door to run some errands, which include a trip to the lumber yard (yes, there is actually a lumber yard in the Keys) and a stop in at the grocery store for some goodies for a picnic we have planned for tomorrow :)

It's going to be a good day.

When Jared and I first moved in together, we quickly learned that we did not know how to argue well with each other. Sure, we knew how to point out each other's downfalls and shortcomings and I was certainly well versed in language like "I hate it when you..." and "you never...", but it was a good six months of living together before we were able to 1- understand each other well enough not to argue over every. little. thing. and 2- argue in a fair and productive way. Merging our lives into one small living space, no matter how much we loved each other required a whole lot of compromise, and cooperation. It was work and it wasn't always easy, but it forced us to step outside of our comfort zones and to find balance between our individual needs and our combined needs as a couple. It certainly made us stronger. 


In the almost five years that we've been husband and wife, never once have I questioned the strength of our relationship. Not once have I doubted the depth of our love. Because we put in the work. We got our hands dirty, and brick by brick built our marriage to withstand any storm. No amount of wind or rain could possibly threaten its foundation. Still, I hate when we argue.

For nearly 5 years its been just us. Devoting our time and energy to our marriage . Delighting in the knowledge that we belong to each other. Connected in every way possible. Changing and growing in love. Then came Emerson, our sweet baby girl. No longer are we just husband and wife, but mama and daddy too. She has our time and energy. We delight in knowing that she is ours. That we are a family. And each day she takes us places where our love changes and grows in ways we never imagined. And with this change comes less time and less energy to spend on ourselves as individuals or on our relationship. Again, we are having to compromise. Again we are having to work. 


And it's hard. 


Sometimes it feels like an eternity since we've been truly connected. Since we've looked in each other's eyes and really listened to what the other is saying. Since I've run my hand across his back like I do. Since he's wrapped me in his arms and I've nestled my head on his chest. Sometimes it feels like forever since we've truly treasured the good thing we have. This is when I feel the most lost. 


Sleepless nights, demanding days, tears, worry, frustration. There have been days when I barely recognize myself. Rather, I see the girl I once was- self-doubting, anxious and altogether unsure. Days when depression makes me its home. And sometimes it boils over. And we find ourselves taking our frustrations out on each other. But still, we give all of ourselves to this precious girl whose been given to us. We love her wholly. And we are thankful. 


I want this space-this blog to be a place to promote the positive. I want it to be a place of beauty. A place to celebrate a lovely life. And it is that. But sometimes, some days, right now, I'm finding it hard to identify where I am. Life has changed. It's not easy. I didn't think it would be. So on these days, there may not be pretty pictures and cheerful prose. But that's life and that's okay.


I took my mom to the air port today and as I drove away the loneliness was palpable. I don't know why. Being a military wife, I'm used to being by myself for significant stretches of time. So I stopped by our friends' place to chat. As soon as I walked into their apartment, Emerson started crying. Screaming. Try as I might to maintain composer, I became unhinged. I blathered a few incoherent sentences, most of which were negative in nature and left feeling tense and anxious. A fish out of water. 


It's in moments like these that I know our work here is not done. Life has changed and it's time to get our hands dirty again. Still, I'm not worried. As out of place as I've been feeling, I know we'll find our rhythm again. We will make it work. We will laugh and live and love our way through this life we are making with each other. Hand in hand we will move forward, knowing that we were made for each other and that the love we share will always, always be.