A PerFeCt DaY

Today was a long day. In between feedings, Emerson was either crying or needing to be held. Today was the kind of day that emphasizes how drastically life has changed in these last two weeks. Gone are lazy afternoons, long bike rides and runs. I would be dishonest if I said that there weren't  times today when I didn't want to set Emerson down in her crib and fall to the floor and cry as well. Truth be told, I may have shed a tear or two. But as evening approached, my little bird was calm just long enough for the two of us to walk to the end of our street so that I could show her Sugarloaf Sound for the very first time. In that moment, I felt such joy, knowing that this was one of so many firsts that I will share with my daughter. In that moment, I knew that the sleepless nights and challenging days are more than worth it. Emerson  saw the water and felt the salty air on her skin for the first time today. And for me, that makes today a perfect day.

So This is Love

She is here. Emerson Faith is here. Born on May 16th at 12:08 pm and weighing 7 pounds 14 ounces. She is everything and more than I could have possibly imagined. And here I'll be, soaking up as many baby coos, morning smiles and sweet snuggles as I can ...

Our Maternity Photo Shoot

Several weeks ago, Jared and I had a maternity photo shoot. We were lucky enough to have my friend Jaimie's boyfriend, Presley Adamson take our pictures. He is not a maternity photographer by profession but he did an absolutely incredible job. Having someone we knew taking our pictures  made the whole process even more special and comfortable. I have to mention that Jared is much more of a natural having his picture taken than I am. I get a little embarrassed, but he just rolled right with it! These are a few of my favorites from the shoot...

Presley did such a wonderful job capturing this special moment. He took his time to make sure each shot was just right. It really was a dreamlike afternoon. Jared and I were totally focused on this pregnancy and our little girl and I'm so glad we have these pictures to look back on. 

Gratitude

One thing I can say about pregnancy, at least in my case, is that it forces you to look inside yourself, to become keenly self-aware and to kind of take inventory of your own flaws and shortcomings in order to change them so that one day, our children can be a better version of ourselves. 

Pregnancy has also  allowed me to find forgiveness and most importantly acceptance in who I am. And with that acceptance comes a beautiful, peaceful feeling. At a very young age, I adopted the nasty habit of comparing myself to others and although I still struggle with feeling comfortable in my own skin, the thought of bringing a new life into this world has encouraged me, pushed me to accept who I am.

During this pregnancy, I've had a lot of time alone with my thoughts. Especially now that I am not working, I've been able to quietly listen to the hopeful voice inside of me and to exercise gratitude in tiny things. One thing I've realized recently, is that I haven't given my body the appreciation and praise that it so rightfully deserves. Growing a baby is no small undertaking and I have to say, I am proud of this body for getting our sweet girl to where she is now. I am amazed at what my body has done in the past 39 weeks. 

Now, with only 11 days (give or take) until her birthday, I feel the need to keep moving forward. To approach each day with gratitude and to always be aware of the beauty life has to offer. I am so thankful for this experience. 

Note: As a result of entering into this blogging world, I have stumbled upon some incredible woman from whom I have found lots of inspiration. As I was writing this post, many of their words and wisdom came to mind. Here are a few of the blogs that I have been reading: Dear Baby, DixonLea Atelier, Life Made Lovely, Aura Joon (Who no longer blogs), and most recently (thanks to my dear friend, Danielle) Iron Yogini. Check them out. You may like them too!

38 Weeks~ 2 Weeks to Baby T

I cannot believe that our little girl 's birthday is in 2 weeks. Or even sooner! Friday was my last day at work for the foreseeable future (still trying to wrap my brain around that one) and I have been savoring every moment I've had at home and out and about. While I am very excited to meet our baby girl, I have delighted in these last few days of having her safe inside of my belly. In my mind, I know that  these are the last few days of uninterrupted sleep. Of quiet nights on the couch with Jared. Of quick trips into town and lazy afternoons. While I am anxious to meet our little girl, I really can't wait to meet her, I am still making a conscious effort to relish and appreciate these last few days of it being "just us". 

On Monday, Jared, my mom and I drove to Tavernier  to have lunch with our dear friends Rachael and Ron. They are transferring out of Miami soon and we wanted to see each other one more time before the baby comes. 

I spent Tuesday busy-beeing around the house, washing the last of the tiny clothes we've been given and organizing the nursery for the 100th time. I think I've given nesting a whole new meaning! My mom came over to take some belly pics and later, my dad and our friends John and Jenn came over for dinner. We feasted on the stone crab Jared caught and talked for hours.  

Jared took leave today. We drove into Key West together, spent a little time with my parents then my mom and I did some shopping and had lunch. Now, the night is winding down. Jared's watching the Rangers game and I'm having some serious Braxton Hicks contractions reminding me once again that she's on her way. And although I've savored every moment of these last few days, I still can't wait to be a mama and for the love that is "just us" to multiply.

All Else Fades, Fades Away

I felt contractions for the very first time a couple of nights ago. At first, I felt anxious; nervous. All I could think about was that we hadn't bought a cover for the changing pad! How could I possibly be ready for this if we had no cover for the changing pad?! But as I crawled into bed that night, my worries seemed to weaken. It seemed that the Lord stepped in and replaced worry or concern with a beautiful calm that reached every part of my being. Suddenly I knew that I can do this. And then, all else faded away and I fell asleep, knowing that Jared and I are ready. We're ready to meet her...

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,
There are moments when I worry. Okay, lately, there are a lot of moments when I worry. I'm so afraid that I won't be prepared enough to take care of you when you get here. That I won't be able to provide you with everything you need when you come into this world. As each day passes and your arrival gets closer and closer, I feel gripped with fear that I'm going to let you down. That I'm going to get it all wrong. I find myself completely weighed down with all kinds of questions. Will motherhood come naturally to me? How do you change a newborn baby's diaper? How will I function on such little sleep? What will our lives be like? Will I be a good mom? Am I ready for this? The questions go on and on. 


The truth is, baby bird, that I don't think anyone can ever be ready for their lives to change so drastically in one small moment. Your are coming in 4 short weeks, whether I feel ready or not. And somehow, some way, I will fall into motherhood and I will learn that like it or not, there will be highs and lows. Ups and downs.  And like the way the moon pulls to tides, together we will find our rhythm and it will be distinctly ours.   


This weekend, we slept in, well your daddy slept in. I'm not sleeping as well these days. I washed and folded all of your clothes from the Miami baby shower and one that the ladies at work had for you. Your daddy took a few pictures of me at the end of 35 weeks and I took pictures around the yard. We also worked in the nursery. Your daddy hung some frames with pictures that I took when we lived in Virginia and he hung the mobile that your Mima and I made during spring break. Everything really is coming together. 

There are times that I worry, little bean. But then I look around and I see this little life that your dad and I have made for ourselves. Our house is clean (well mostly), our bills are paid and we have food in the fridge.  I think of our families. My parents and your daddy's and all the love they gave to us. We're going to love you like that, little one. There will never be a shortage of love in your life.Your dad and I love each other like crazy and when you get here that love will only grow. When I think of these things, I just know that we are going to be okay. I won't get everything right the first time. I'm sure I'll make plenty of mistakes but you will know you are loved right away. 


As scared, nervous and excited as I am for your arrival, I'm ready baby girl. I'm ready to show you that in life, love is the most precious gift and its a gift you will be receiving every second of every day.


Love,
Momma

Weeks 31 & 32

For every time I've thought of this little girl as a far off dream, her arrival is becoming more and more real every day. My body is beginning to take over. I can no longer sprint from place to place, and moving energetically around my classroom is no longer an option. Although my mind is still telling me to go, go, go, my body simply won't allow it anymore. 


Some days, I come home and want to take off on my bike and ride to my park or go for a nice long walk. These are the ways I clear my head and reconnect with myself after a long day at work. But I have a feeling that my 10 mile rides and my 2 to 3 mile walks are a thing of the past for now. 


It's all worth it though. The exhaustion. The aches. The breathlessness. Because soon, she will be here and I can't wait to meet her. Time seems to be slipping by very quickly now and although I may not feel ready, to be a mom (oh, the weight of that word...) I know that when she is placed in my arms, any worries or doubts I may have now will seem tiny compared to the love I will feel when I look into her eyes. Jared and I will be parents and our love will be multiplied. 


Here are a few pictures from the past 2 weeks.


31 Weeks

32 Weeks

Jared's sister and mom had a beautiful shower for the little bird in South Beach this  weekend.  Being around family and friends I had not seen in months and in many cases years was heartwarming. Knowing how many people already care about our little girl was the most comforting thought. It was a lovely weekend. 

A few pictures from the beach...

A Lovely Baby Shower...

We made the drive from Miami back to Key West with a car full of lovely things for our little dove. I can't wait to wash all of her tiny clothes and tuck them away in her drawers. I also got the stroller I had been wanting and am so excited about taking her on small adventures around the neighborhood. 

Little Dove, I've been pretty tired these last couple of weeks. You are growing so fast and I am feeling every bit of 33 weeks pregnant. I plan on taking these next few weeks before you arrive as slowly as possible. You're coming into a wonderful world, baby girl. Full of people who already love you. But the world will be better when you get here. I am so excited for your birthday.