ThoUghts oN TeAcHinG (time to reflect)

I have to preface this post by saying that I truly believe in what I do. I am fortunate to have a career that I find rewarding.  I know that I have been given the opportunity to inspire and encourage children at a decisive age and I don’t take this for granted.

I also feel it’s important to point out that I have met the most unselfish and noble people through teaching. Self-sacrificing people who give their time and energy to the greater good of their students, their colleagues and ultimately society.

But what happens when this selfless behavior trespasses into our personal lives? What happens when our jobs, our careers define who we are? The result can’t be good.

I was at a staff meeting on Wednesday where we were discussing the importance of teaching our students the skill of metacognition, or “thinking about your thinking”. (Note: metacognition is not recognized as a word in English reference books). As a staff, we were to read a chapter from a well-known author in the educational field, implement her strategy of metacognition in our classroom, take notes and reflect on how it went with our kids, and then be prepared to report our findings to our colleagues at the next staff meeting.

While I think it’s important to be a reflective practitioner, to stay current and to work hard, I have to ask, “To what end?”

To what end do we offer our time and energy to our jobs?  To what end do we sacrifice time with our families and our friends so that we can check off another item on our never ending to-do list? Teaching is the kind of job where the work is never done. I think you can find this to be true for any job where a service is provided to another human being. But, to what end do we allow work to occupy our thoughts?

I’m not asking these things to hear myself grumble on about the plights of my job.  I don’t ask these questions to sound whiny or critical. I ask because I struggle with finding the answers.

ThiNkiNg aBouT tHinKinG…

being tasked with teaching my students to think about their thinking I began to wonder how much time I carve out of my day to truly reflect on my own thoughts. To ponder. To wonder. To meditate. To turn over in my mind the things that are close to my heart.

I think now of my drives to work back in Virginia. In such a busy city, I was one of the few who did not have an awful commute.  I hopped on the George Washington Parkway and headed south every morning, admiring the way the sun rose over the Potomac River, turning the brownish water into this beautiful blush color and just being in awe of the beauty and history that surrounded me. I think of how in those moments, alone with my thoughts, life made sense.  I talked to God and an irresistible feeling of peace would wash over me. I miss those drives.

NoTe: It has been one week since I started this post. I’ve been typing it out in Word and adding to it every so often when I get a break from the work that I bring home. I am now very deliberate about my drive to work. I sip my coffee and drive south on Overseas Highway, thinking and talking to God. I’m beginning to feel like me again =)

I think about summer. Lazy, lovely summer. Of my mom’s porch swing. I have spent so many hours there. Thinking of nothing at all but the flowers, the birds, and the way the leaves on the trees sound like rain when the wind blows. Soaking up the quiet. Enjoying the solitude.  

My soul needs these quiet moments. I’m not one of those people who can be on the go all of the time. I need time to rest. For my mind to focus on nothing at all and everything at the same time. Nothing that doesn’t matter and everything that does.

The reality is that I am in this job. It is a wonderful job, but it is demanding. As teachers, we are pulled in so many directions. Expected to fill so many buckets and give of ourselves to so many people. On any given day, we will play the role of counselor, mentor, and advisor. We will do our best to command respect, while still maintaining a caring and supportive environment. We will try to meet the needs of our students, their parents, and our colleagues to the best of our ability. And even though inside, we may be falling apart, we are smiling the whole way through, because we are teachers and that is what we do.

Tonight, I am taking time to think about my own thinking. And that may be about nothing at all. It may be about my relationships.  With friends. With family. With God.  It may just be me sitting on the couch, with Jared watching movies and letting my mind travel to where it wants to go.  

My park. Alone with my thoughts.