Kindness

As Jared and I were running errands a few days ago, we had to take a minute to give Emerson her bottle. We parked outside the store and as I sat in the backseat with E, a beat up old minivan parked next to us. I looked over and could see through the dirty passenger side window a young kid and beyond him, the silhouette of his mom on the driver's side. There was a skeleton bobble-head on the dash. I could see that the mom had a nose ring, not the cute, little piercing, dotting the nostril, but a ring that goes through the center of the nose...kind of like the bull in cartoons has. As the passenger side door opened, I realized that the boy was a student from the school I worked at last year. He was in third grade then, but was not in my class. I knew from my colleague that he was on the naughty side. They walked towards the store's entrance. She had a messy appearance. Faded black tank top, torn jeans and she carried a skeleton handbag. "Well that explains a lot," I found myself thinking. Then I turned my attention back to Emerson. I looked into the big, brown, innocent eyes of my daughter and immediately I realized the mistake I had made. Who am I to pass that kind of judgement? Who am I to think myself better than this mother? What example am I setting for my daughter?

Too often we evaluate a person's worth based on how they look. We judge. We critique. And what manifests is the idea that our own worth is found in how we look. I realize the weight of this propensity more than ever now that I am a mother. Right now, Emerson is much too young to understand judgement. To know meanness. I want Emerson to grow up confident. Secure in who she is and what she stands for. And when she is old enough to feel the sting of others' unkindness, to always, always believe in herself. I want her to know, to understand that every person is deserving of kindness and love.

Sometimes I like to look back on this space to see where I was a year ago. How fitting it was to read this post. After reading, I reflected on how important it is to be mindful of others' feelings. How can I instill in Emerson those beliefs if I am not practicing them myself? As a new mom, I've made plenty of mistakes, missteps, misjudgments. I've also made decisions about parenting that I feel 100% confident are the right ones for my daughter. And through it all, I've hoped that others wouldn't judge me, and in the face of my missteps, would even offer compassion. It's time I do the same. Jared and I will teach our sweet baby girl kindness, we'll shower her with love of course. But today I pray that the Lord soften my heart to others, for quiet reminders to always be kind and for the strength to be an example of kindness and confidence for my daughter. Strongly rooted in love, happy in who she is, thoughtful and caring.

Bath Time

9 Months

Dear Emerson,

At 6 am on the day you turned 9 months old, I lifted you out of your crib for your morning bottle. As we rocked to a slow and steady rhythm, you drifted in and out of sleep. After you were full, I carried you to our room and into bed. You snuggled in close and fell into a peaceful sleep between me and your daddy. For the next hour, I watched as you slept, drinking in your smell and leaning into the idea that we made you. Your head at my chest and your knees bent into the hollow space of my tummy where you once grew I marveled at this perfect gift of love and family the Lord has given me. He made you for me and me for you, Little Bird and I am so unbelievably thankful He did.

I think about who you are--eager, curious, determined and  I can only dream of who you will become. Just like when I was pregnant with you and could only see snapshots of a life with you, once again I can't quite see who you will be. It is difficult to see beyond the here and now when the here and now is happening so fast. I can't wait to watch you grow from a baby to a little girl. To hold your hand as we walk along, to paint your toes and plant a garden together, and to watch as your daddy teaches you how to throw a baseball or bait a hook. Oh, but I don't want it to happen too quickly either. I once read that motherhood is like that. We yearn for new moments, new memories, but we want to hold onto those that we are in. I'm holding on, sweet girl. Tucking each moment I have with you right now close to my heart.

In these last 9 months, I have had the awesome privilege of watching you grow. You have blossomed into such a wildflower! There is a quote by my favorite author, Ralph Waldo Emerson (Yes, your name had something to do with him). He said, "The earth laughs in flowers." Well, you my love are the earth's most enchanting laugh and the reason for so many of my own.

Happy 9 months Bird. I love you. I love you. A thousand times, I love you.

Mama

These last few weeks

Here's what I've been enjoying in January and these first few weeks of February-

A visit from my mom and dad...

Buddy was not crazy about sharing my parents' attention with his niece:)

The every day enchantment that comes with being this little one's mama...

This one makes me laugh every time!

A family visit to my favorite park...

An early birthday dinner with Jared and some pictures around town...

A visit to DQ for some birthday ice cream with my mom... 

Boat rides...

My home-- what happens here, and who I share it with...

My birthday breakfast-- waffles and stone crab hash, made by my lovely hubby.

She helped me open up presents.

We just bought these for her. They're perfect.

Lot's of little moments going on around here. Sweet little happenings that add up to something very big indeed. Treasuring it up in my heart. So happy to be here now.