Thirty-Two

I turn 32 tomorrow. For the first time in many years I can feel the difference between where I am at 32 and where I was at 31, 28, 25, etc. I feel older. Not just in how many years I've been on this earth, but in how I see the world, what I find important, how I choose to spend my time, where I choose to focus my energy. This is not to say that I have it all figured out. I don't think we ever stop learning, changing, growing. But I do feel like I'm on the right path.

In this 32nd year, I will remember my word- faith. I will seek it, cultivate it, own it and enjoy it. Too often, I live in a place of fear. I shrink in it's presence and cower at it's hold on my heart. It's there when Jared is out on patrol. It's there when I look on at my sweet baby. I think about how much I love them and what life would be like if they weren't here. The fear is real and I want it gone. I will remember to have faith. Faith that my God will keep me and protect me and offer up His grace to me.

In this 32nd year, I will turn away from failure. I'm big on lists. I make them all the time. Grocery lists, lists of chores, errands to run. I even make lists for what to do in my free time, like "go for a run", "go on a bike ride", "decorate the mantle", "create something". I feel a sense of accomplishment when I check everything off of the list and utter failure if even one thing remains unchecked. I struggle with being enough. Doing enough. This year, I will replace failure with inspiration. Living my day to day doing what I am inspired to do, following the voice inside that says, This is what you want to do right now. Take a little time. It'll make you happy, so do it. Again, I will remember to have faith. Faith in myself and in the choices I make.

In recognition of my 32nd birthday, I am reflecting on 32 things that I am thankful for right now. I love the idea and plan on doing it for all of my future birthdays. Yes, it's sort of a list...but not the kind that needs any checking.

1. Starry nights. The Keys have the most beautiful night skies. I love sitting with Jared out on our boat, under a sky full of stars.

2. Dinners of fresh caught fish, lobster and crab. Out of the ocean and onto our plates.

3. Toys scattered on the floor.

4. Bath time.

5. Wind. It's often windy here in the winter and I love it.

6. Planning out how we'll decorate our next home.

7. Listening to Jared talk about the play house he's going to build for Emerson.

8. Talking on the phone to my best friend, Angela.

9. This sauce that my hubby made with tomatoes from our balcony garden.

10. Bike rides to my favorite park.

11. Morning visits with Abby and Alise.

12. Our home. It's bright and open and looks out to oleander and palm trees.

13. Sunset cruises with my little family.

14. Jared- my husband and the love of my life. He is the one my heart needed and I am so thankful we found each other.

15. Ball Jars filled with flowers.

16. The thought of living near Danielle again. First it was California, then Virginia and soon, it will be Cali again.

17. My mom and dad.

18. Emerson. Oh, Emerson. Her eyes. That mohawk. And her contagious enthusiasm. She is determined and unwavering in her quest to explore her world. My joy.

19. Morning coffee.

20. Seeing the world through the eyes of my daughter.

21. Being a mom.

22. Receiving emails from my Aunt Faith.

23. Jared's family. I love them.

24. Continuing to grow and to learn how to be comfortable with who I am.

25. When Jared says, "I love you so much." It still makes my heart skip a beat.

26. The way my sister calls me "mama sis".

27. The way Jared loves the slow paced simplicity of island life.

28. The relationship I have with my mom.

29. My brother. He's so talented. I'm so proud of him.

30. Possibility.

31. Reflection

32. Knowing that I am right where I'm supposed to be.