Two Weeks Time- Highs and Lows

As it always goes, the week before Jared gets home from patrol, I become restless. Time seems to move at a snail's pace and the inner-workings of my mind tend to veer to a less than positive place. I become critical of myself. In times like these, anything and everything seems to weigh me down and it becomes hard for me to find peace. In times like these, I have to remind myself of my word for 2012- accept, and of how beautiful life truly is. I have to listen to the voice inside, tiny as it may be that says I'm okay.  I think I’m getting better at pushing those negative thoughts out of my mind and embracing the good that is all around me. 

I've found that if I try to take at least one picture every day of something that inspires me I'm able to find that peace. Two weeks ago, the week before Jared got home, I found encouragement from the world around me- my world. Here are a few pictures from around the house, of my growing belly (which always makes me smile) and of the the Keys…

This is the Goa bedding from Rikshaw Design. I found it on one of my favorite mommy blogs, Aura Joon and I absolutely love it! I was between the Goa bedding and the Bombay. I think I made the right choice for our little bird. 

 

I need these nudges of encouragement, these tiny reminders from the world around me that everything is alright. That I'm alright. That the world is not in fact going to swallow me up and spit me back out again. 

And after finally accepting, embracing and approaching each day with gratitude, Jared came home. Just in time for my 31st birthday. And it was the best day ever. 

We woke up slowly, listened to music and Jared made me banana pancakes...

Then, we met up with our friend John for lunch in Key West and walked up and down Duval Street...

 

 

Afterwards, we headed home, to our Key and to my favorite park for some pictures of the bump. 

26 weeks pregnant...

 

Picking up some driftwood for the house...

It wasn't easy going back to work on Monday. My soul could have used about a week's worth of waking up slow with Jared. But of course I had to go. Monday was the beginning of a very interesting week. My days went from perfectly fine, where I felt like nothing could get me down to no-good awful really quickly. Monday was wonderful. A few of my student's moms organized a birthday lunch for me and even asked Jared to come. It was so nice. My students and I had a great day and everything just seemed bright. 


But Tuesday was different. Every morning, we start our day with a morning meeting, where students are given time to share anything that's on their mind. On Tuesday, one of my students shared that he had a witnessed a car accident the evening before. I had already heard about the accident because Jared had seen it happen too. It was a bad one. Well, this student went on to share that after his mom (who is a cop) got out of the car to see if she could help out, he and his brother began making fun of all the people that had been effected by the accident and shared a lot of laughs over the chaos. As if this wasn't enough to make me want to cry, a handful of other students started laughing and making silly comments in response to this one student's story. I can't explain the emotion that came over me at that moment. It wasn't anger and it wasn't quite sadness. It was more than that. It was this gut-wrenching  feeling that one day, our little girl will be exposed to this kind of callousness. That she might even be the target of such cruelty. In a few short seconds, these thoughts consumed me and it was all I could do from letting my twenty 8 and 9 year olds see me cry. I stopped the conversation (if you can call it that) immediately and told them that we would discuss this later, but that I thought that what I just saw happen was terrible. Thoughts of those few moments during morning meeting consumed me all day. I felt like I had a fifty pound weight on my heart and I just couldn't shake the feeling that people in this world, children included are becoming less and less compassionate and more desensitized to human emotion. I did speak with my students that afternoon. I hope I got through to them, but honestly, I don't know if I did. I came home that evening with that same weight on my heart and the only thing that calmed me was the knowledge that Jared and I will teach our sweet baby girl kindness. We will show her that although we cannot control other's actions, we can control our own and part of that means being mindful of others. 


Sweet little dove, be the change that you want to see in the world. Be gentle with yourself and with others.


The rest of the work week was okay. Peppered with both highs and lows I realized that I love what I do, but I am ready for this new chapter in my life to begin- raising our daughter. And that realization was confirmed even more on Thursday when I went in for an ultrasound. Our little bird has grown so big! And I was able to hear her heartbeat for the first time. What a sweet sound! Apparently, my doctor only uses the Doppler if you ask. Well, now I know and I will be asking to hear that wonderful sound each and every time!

By Friday, I was very ready for the weekend. We went out to dinner with an old friend who was in just for the weekend. It was great catching up with him. The last time we saw him was nearly 6 years ago, when we lived in San Diego and were just kids ourselves. Now, here we are about to have a child of our own. John and his wife, Jaclyn already have two sweet babies and it was nice listening to stories about them. It made me even more excited to meet our little one.

On Saturday morning, Jared went fishing. And after that, the two of us went out on the boat. I love it here. It's so peaceful. There are people all around, but there's so much ocean that it's easy to get away. Out on the water, it feels like you have your own piece of paradise all to yourself. 

When we got home, we went on a walk and when we got back, these sweet vintage sheets were waiting by the garage. I ordered them from Etsy, and plan on using them to build lots of tents with Jared and our little one.

That night, we had fish tacos, made with fish fresh from the sea. I love it when Jared brings home a couple fresh catches. So yummy!

The week ended with a chiminea night. Perfect...

I know that life is made of highs and lows. I'm learning that on those low days, I have to remember that happiness is not something that can be sought out. It's always there, in every second of our day. Happiness is always there, waiting for us to embrace it. This is me embracing it. This week will be a good week. This week, Jared and  will be testing out baby names. Maybe we'll find the perfect name for our little girl...