A Letter

A few months before I got pregnant, I had the idea to begin writing letters to my daydream baby. I wanted to jot down my hopes and dreams for her (or him), things I wanted to teach her, wisdom I wanted to pass on to her about life and love and happiness. I planned on writing letters throughout my pregnancy, to share how much I cherished that time. For some reason, I had it in my mind to do this letter writing online. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am not a tech savvy girl. In fact, sometimes I think that I repel all things technology related. But this was what I wanted to do, so one night in Virginia, as Jared was studying, I got online and simply typed Dear Baby into the Google search bar and the most adorable blog popped up in my search. I spent some time reading the beautiful letters that this mama had written to her children and found this one that she had written to her self. The blog also led me to many others that I found so sweet and inspiring. I really liked the idea of having my own little space to write, so I decided that I would start a blog. It wouldn't be a baby blog exactly, but it would be a place for me to write down what was on my mind and to share the things that I find inspiring and lovely. 

So I did :) 

And here I am over a year later, writing, taking pictures and sharing those things that I find lovely and inspiring and sometimes sharing the letters that I write to my sweet baby bird. 

So, from the inspiration I found in this post, here goes... 

If I could go back and offer any sort of wisdom or insight to my pre-mama self I would say…

Dear Me,

Very soon, your life will drastically change. Nothing can prepare you for life to change so completely, so quickly. You will finally meet the little one growing safely inside of you. Your daydream baby. She will completely change not only your world but how you see it as well. Everything will change.

{Beauty}

In the next several months, your body will grow and change before your very eyes.  Some changes will be warmly welcomed while others may leave you wondering if you’ll ever be the same. Embrace the changes. All of them. Take this time to be in awe of the beauty of your body. Honor your body, for the amazing thing it’s doing. Growing your baby.

{Strength and Courage}

Right now, you are wavering between getting an epidural or not. In the end, you decide you want it. Please don’t feel like less of a woman for it. At the time, it was the best decision for you. However, you should know this: In the moments before she is born, your body will experience pain that you are presently unable to imagine. And in that pain, you will find courage and strength. Strength that you didn’t know you had. Courage that will get you through. There will be flashes when strength and courage seem to cave in, this is when you will cling to your husband. He will be strong for you. He will be brave. In his eyes, you will find the resolve you need to keep going.  He will be the anchor that holds you to this earth when you think your body will surely give in to the pain. And you will love him even more for it. Even with the epidural there will be pain, and at the end of that pain, awaits an inexplicable joy and the knowledge that you did it. You brought her into this world.

{Love}

Right now, you think you know the ability of your heart to love another completely, but you have no idea the love that will pour out of your entire being for the tiny human that’s about to enter your world. Even months after she is born, a spark will catch light in the deepest parts of your soul each time you look at her and you will wonder how you could love her more today than you did the day before. But you do.

You will love Jared more intensely as you watch him take on the role of father and you will love yourself more because for nine months she grew safely inside of you.

{Marriage}

Savor these last few weeks with Jared. Stay up late with him and sleep in as long as you can. Because very soon, your world of just us will be transformed. There are trying times ahead, sweet mama to be. Times that will leave you feeling bared and broken. Times when you’ll feel like you’re right in the middle the wind and rain of a bad storm. But the skies will clear. They always do and you’ll be left with blue skies and sunshine and a love that is so much stronger and richer than ever before.

{Perspective}

You will think back on times when, you said things like, “I’ll have no problem leaving the kids for a weekend getaway with the girls.” Or “I would never give my baby a pacifier.” Yeah. You’re going to eat those words! There will be nights when you’d do just about anything to calm your unhappy baby. And soon you’ll learn that moments away from her will leave your heart aching. Seconds will feel like years as you wait to hold her in your arms again. This is a new kind of love. One that is endless and pure and it will further define who you are and what you believe.

{Capture it All}

Take lots of pictures and videos! Take the time to record each moment that you think is special, each day that she does something new no matter how small and each milestone because they’ll go so fast and although you don’t think you will, you will surely forget.

{Pray and Let It Be}

You’re going to be tired. Correction. You’re going to be exhausted. There will be days when you are so sleep deprived that putting together a coherent sentence will be challenging. Somehow despite the thick haze of exhaustion you live in daily, you’ll push yourself to get things done. You’ll search for hobbies, for diversions as she sleeps to make you feel more you. Don’t.  Find comfort in the quiet, gratitude in a cup of coffee and joy in her tiny chest on yours and just be. It is going to be hard, but you’ll get through.  

And when you think that you can’t take another sleepless night or monotonous day, because there will be times when you feel that way, lean on your family and friends. Even though they are far away, they are there to listen. But mostly, pray. In your tiredness, you’re going to forget to do that. You’ll come around, and when you do, pray for guidance, mercy and grace.

Try not to compare yourselves or your little one to others. Cut yourself some slack. There will be times, when although unknowingly, family members and friends will make you feel guilty for one thing or another. Remember that they mean well, accept it and move on. Don’t try to justify the choices you make for your little one.  There are no hard and fast rules. Remember that although at times you have no idea what you are doing, you and Jared will learn together. And believe it or not, you are the experts. Love yourself for what you are doing. Mistakes and all. Because after everything is said and done, you will realize that you are the best mama for your baby. After all, you were made for this.

Love,

Me