Happiness

From the time I was very little, my mom and dad took us to our Grandparent's house in Sebring, Florida at least once a month. We'd pack up the car or, once I was a little bit older, the motorhome and make the 4 hour drive north from Homestead. Grammy and Pappy would always be waiting in their front yard for us with welcoming waves, big smiles and even bigger hugs for us all. It was a home away from home. Grammy would show us the flowers growing alongside the shed and Pappy would show us his latest wood-working project and depending on the time of day we arrived, he'd toss us a fishing pole and some day old bread or set us down for supper. Oh, my heart is flooded with joy thinking of that place. So many of my most cherished moments were spent there.The kind of moments that molded me and shaped so much of who I am today. 

Hmm...I just realized that I have been staring off into space for several minutes, letting my mind take me back to so many sticky sweet memories of my Grammy and Pappy's place...okay, back to the present ;) 

As a little girl, there home was a place of comfort for me. A place of enchantment. It was almost magical. My Pappy, with the help of family and friends, built that house. The living room seemed so grand to me. Cedar walls that stretched to a vaulted ceiling. Big braided rugs on the floor. A wood burning stove where Pappy let us toss old newspapers to burn in the winter. Even if it was 85 degrees outside. My Grammy and Pappy's bedroom seemed grand too. I can remember the bright pink carpet in their bathroom and the wallpaper with perfume bottles on it. Oh my gosh, I loved that pink carpet! They had an eat-in kitchen with a big wooden table that took up most of the walking space. Every morning, we'd shuffle in and eat breakfast there. Pappy would make pancakes and on special days (every day was a special day with him) he'd make them in the shape of Micky Mouse for me and my siblings and cousins. The guest bedroom was for my Great Grandma Hubler. I loved going in there as a little girl to rummage through coats and dresses and flowery bed sheets in the closet. They smelled like memories to me. So old, so many stories within the fabric. And there was a loft in that room where twin sized mattresses were stored for when we had lots of family in town.  Norman Rockwell sketches, a wall of old family portraits and fluffy pancakes. That's what I remember. But really, we didn't spend much time indoors. Mostly, we were out on the patio or in the backyard or fishing and swimming in the canal. 

Somehow, all of these things, these moments of comfort and coziness and unreserved delight led my young heart to believe that my grandparents were very, very rich. They had to be! Everything I ever wanted or needed was right there. Family, food, fun and a surplus of love and laughter for any one who walked through their door. It was the kind of place that you went to and just felt better by being there. I don't think it was until high school when I realized that my grandparents weren't rich at all. In fact neither of them had a retirement. They made due with what they had in savings and what they were provided with by social security. No, my grandparents were not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. They didn't have a big bankroll or fancy flatware. Bowls and plates that had been collected over time, mismatched furniture, handmade rugs and so much love going around that no one ever noticed. And they were truly happy.

Happiness isn’t about having what you want or think you need. It’s about being happy with what you’ve got. What’s right there in front of you and being darn thankful for it.

For most of my life, I've struggled with bouts of anxiety and depression. Not all of the time, but

there are times when it's hard to be positive. There have been days lately, when I've had a difficult time seeing past the shadows of gloominess. I've begun a lot of my sentences with "if only".

"If only it were cooler here, Emerson and I could get outside more..." 

"If only there were a mall or a Target on this stinkin' island, Emerson and I could have relief from this heat..."

"If only... If only... If only... " It's a very dangerous term, because what you're really saying is that you're not happy with your current situation and the only way you could possibly be happy is if things were different somehow. In comparing your life as you are living it to a life perceived to be better, you are robbing yourself of joy. Don't let comparison steal your joy,Katie...

And another dangerous manifestation of an unhappy state...you look for someone to blame for the unhappiness. Jared and I have had a few serious conversations lately about just that. Unfortunately, as I've struggled with this negativity, I've allowed it to spill over onto him. But the truth is, it isn't fair to hold any one other than ourselves responsible for the mood we are in. Jared has so very much to do with my happiness, but he isn't responsible for my happiness. That's up to me. We were talking the other day and I told him about Grammy and Pappy. Their home, and the warm memories I have there. How although they had very little, they shared a love that was so big, every heart that passed through their doors overflowed with happiness. Their happiness didn't come from anything other than the love they shared for each other and with their family and friends . 

Positive minds live positive lives. There is always, always something to be thankful for and something to smile about. The happiest people are not those who get everything they want; they are those who in pursuit of worthy goals, notice and appreciate the beauty and sweetness of every day moments." ~Marc and Angel via the journey is the reward

When I  think about this life I'm living, and the man I'm sharing it with I know, I know how completely, absolutely, entirely blessed I am. And I can only hope that one day, when our sweet daughter has children of her own, they will walk through our door and feel what I felt as a child walking through my grandparents'. Love, love, beautiful love. That they will have sticky sweet memories of a place where happiness thrived. And that one day, when Jared and I are no longer here, happiness will be our legacy and will live on in our daughter. 

When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.

~Buddah