A Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy. It breaks for those children in Connecticut and for their families. My head is fuzzy and I feel sick thinking of the moms and dads who lost their babies yesterday. I held Emerson a little longer before laying her in her crib for the night with tears in my eyes. And afterwards, as Jared and I sat under a big sky full of stars, I thought about my Pappy and how he used to look at those same stars on a big Navy ship in the middle of the ocean, thinking of my Grammy. 

But oh, how the world beneath has changed. Would he even recognize this place? It seems that indifference and apathy have crept into our society. Slowly seeping into the cracks and crevices of our culture. Poisoning the hearts and minds of so many. I asked Jared, do you think there is one moment, one defining instance that we can look back on and say, "There it is. That was it. That act, that thing, that moment in time where everything took a turn for the worse. And did we all just sit back and watch it unfold? Let it happen?" I don't think that's how it happened though. It's been a slow process. A very slow moving process. Slowly, anger and a certain coldess have peppered our lives, numbing our senses, creating an unresponsiveness towards the basic needs of the human soul. 

This knowledge makes me fear for my daughter. Tremble at the thought of the world she will grow up in. My mama heart aches and wishes for nothing more than to protect her from all of the dangers that life will throw at her. I wish that my love and Jared's love were enough to protect her from it all. Right now, I am so thankful that she is too tiny to understand what has happened to those sweet children in Connecticut. Right now, I feel even stronger about growing her up in God's sweet love. Cherishing each moment we have as a family and planting in her the seeds of patience, kindness and most of all, love. 

That's all we can do really. Acknowledged that the world we live in is broken. Connect with each other's pain and suffering. Share in each other's happiness and joy. Love, love, love so that little by little, we can fill in those cracks and crevices with good.

My heart aches for those children. My prayers go out to their families and I thank God for giving me one more day to love on my family.